A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
