He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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