what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
