i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
