I'm eating all of the evidence.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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