I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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