I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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