So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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