i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
