you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
