U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just want to make out with him forever
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
