Your face is a jimmy john
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She bit a glass in half.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
