hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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