as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
