Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
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I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
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he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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