I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
