Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
