Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
And then he peed in my hair
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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