Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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