dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
