when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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