Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
dude. I can hear the air.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
