i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
