She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
