How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
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