I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
