He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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