if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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