I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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