Who did Billy Mays play for?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
