He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Dear god my vagina.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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