I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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