Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
