We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
