3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
