At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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