Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
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I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
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I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
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