Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
