I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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