my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
