It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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