I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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