pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Buhtt sex?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
