You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
