Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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