Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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