He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
