I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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