How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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