She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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