you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
