have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
