Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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