he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
