Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
