Sry I called you an 8
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
