4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
