do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
