Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize