the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
