Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
