I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
