This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
