I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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