She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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