Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Randomize
