Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
