An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
There r osticjed everywhere
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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