please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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