look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
