Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Randomize
