Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize