I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Randomize
