Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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