I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize